The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
