just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
