There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
