My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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