New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize