So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
