my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
