My brain says no but my pants say off.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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