you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
