Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
