Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
