oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize