you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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