there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
