Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
