I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
