This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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