in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
