Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
