just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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