so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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