the new term for farting is butt boxing.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
