thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
