I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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