I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
