i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
