It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
