Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
