Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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