why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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