How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
