oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
