someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Come on in and take your pants off
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