Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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