do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
