I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
