does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
