Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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