I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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