So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Floor bacon is actually really good
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
