She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
