Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize