I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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