These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
