wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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