I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize