I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
