how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
