your room smells of hookers.
And success
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
