...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize