I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
