So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
