You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What a dumb baby whore.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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