Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
