Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
