I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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