oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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