i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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