I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
