I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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