We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
