dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
