Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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