My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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