I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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