i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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