I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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