C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
