the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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